tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4810277275784204050.post1789264846805121011..comments2024-03-11T19:28:03.606+00:00Comments on Dreadful Decoding: [GGOV2] SECT.9 - Ten Minute Massacre - The FirstPryunhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12268943437911805737noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4810277275784204050.post-78178429733074305692016-09-15T19:45:39.420+01:002016-09-15T19:45:39.420+01:00Correction for the inhibitory device/suppressor. I...Correction for the inhibitory device/suppressor. It's not "an inhibitory device", it's "a suppressor". The bottom word indicates the meaning (or in this case, the Japanese translation of the English word "suppressor"), while top word is what's actually intended to be used in-text/dialogue. The bottom word could be omitted entirely, but we choose to keep it.Gsimenashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08983708989007318377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4810277275784204050.post-10015921567580141302016-09-15T15:39:31.600+01:002016-09-15T15:39:31.600+01:00Yeah, that line comes after the grenade attack. It...Yeah, that line comes after the grenade attack. It looks like the grenades killed the two men, then the part that went unnoticed by the 18 in the valley was the follow-up where the nine scouts were wiped out.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14521809003450598580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4810277275784204050.post-32153110709503550652016-09-15T13:27:39.316+01:002016-09-15T13:27:39.316+01:00No worries! Thanks for taking the time to consider...No worries! Thanks for taking the time to consider it all!<br /><br />Thinking back now, I don't think that the '18' is an error. 2 of the 4 scouts to the waterfall get blown away by M's grenade b/c only the 2 in the 'basin' get dealt with later by Pito. <br /><br />One last thing. Is this line correct in the original:<br /><br />(And the eighteen men in the valley had yet to notice this.)<br /><br />Maybe this follows M's grenade attack chronologically? I get the feeling Sigsawa is trying to make these passages run concurrently.<br /><br />Thanks again!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4810277275784204050.post-13352773359912263132016-09-15T04:00:40.022+01:002016-09-15T04:00:40.022+01:00Alright, editor here. Let's see what I can cov...Alright, editor here. Let's see what I can cover...<br /><br />Engraved: The term used in the raw is "刻んだ", which implies to me that they're going for something a bit more hardened. Pito is that type of character, so I think the author was trying to establish that for her by using this term.<br /><br />Geometric/brick-colored: Geometric comes first in the raw, which is why it was ordered this way. Either way, this more falls under personal preference; you may prefer it ordered one way while others prefer it another. As such, I think sticking to the raw is the best option here.<br /><br />State: Yeah, as in "state of affairs". "Situation" could work here, but I think "state" gives it more importance, implies something a bit more dire.<br /><br />Leaders moved [...]: Yeah, looking at it again this is a bit awkward to read. I went with "The leaders moved the piece in front of them, indicating the enemy’s position on the map, in accordance with the satellite scan that would be useless for the next 10 minutes." This way we preserve the structure for the most part, while also allowing the sentence to flow better.<br /><br />Small typo: Lol, that one was my fault because I apparently can't understand Gsi's formatting. He has "it was more accurately called a {{inhibitory device|suppressor}}", and my being used to the SAO Wikia formatting made me think that "suppressor" was the main term that would be shown.<br /><br />Punctuation: Yeah, that one was tough for me to decide on. I ended up leaving out the commas because the first one feels unnecessary (thus making the second one unnecessary), but looking at it again I think they may be necessary.<br /><br />Footnote: This is more of a "what sounds best" thing, there's no truly correct answer. Personally, I think "the fault lies not with you" sounds a bit more medieval than it does formal. That's why we have the note, to indicate that there's no actually proper way to translate the sonkeigo being used here. The word "you", in the raw as "貴殿", is the word in question, and there's not really a formal way to translate "you" so it's pretty much anything goes here.<br /><br />Thanks for the input though, I appreciate it!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14521809003450598580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4810277275784204050.post-19748320733769499472016-09-14T21:21:42.492+01:002016-09-14T21:21:42.492+01:00Thank you for all your comments. It's late rig...Thank you for all your comments. It's late right now and some of these concerns require consultation with my editors, so I'll get to them tomorrow.<br /><br />For now, I've only checked all the solely translation-related concerns:<br /><br />*"Nineteen" was supposed to be "twenty". I misread the text, my bad.<br />*"Eighteen" on the other hand is an accurate translation. I double checked the raw and it said: "マジで一人で十八人殺し!". So, in this case, it's not my error.<br />*As for the neck thing, the word 首 can mean either head or neck. When I originally translated the chapter months ago, I went for "neck" for some reason. But when I looked over the published translation yesterday and noticed this, I thought that "head" would make more sense and planned to change it today (because I was sleepy and wanted to go to bed), but you beat me to it. XDGsimenashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08983708989007318377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4810277275784204050.post-14682860438828166412016-09-14T17:49:26.892+01:002016-09-14T17:49:26.892+01:00Thanks so much! Really enjoyed it. Looking forward...Thanks so much! Really enjoyed it. Looking forward to more! <br /><br />A few questions/suggestions:<br /><br />(Her face, engraved with a geometrical-patterned, brick-coloured tattoo,)<br /><br />'Engraving' a tattoo sounds painful! Maybe you could use the word 'inscribed'? It can imply 'carving' if the original Jap word had that meaning, but it can also have the dual-meaning of 'drawn/written'.<br /><br />Also, (brick-coloured, geometric-pattern tattoo)reads better IMHO. It's fine if you are trying to keep the Jap word order though... <br /><br />(Thanks to that, the audience in the bar could clearly see the STATE in the mountains.)<br /><br />'State'? As in 'state of affairs' or 'situation'? Unclear--to my small brain at least... LOL!<br /><br />(The leaders moved the piece indicating the position of the enemy on the map in front of them in accordance with the satellite scan that would be useless for the next 10 minutes.)<br /><br />As it is, the grammar makes this sentence hard to parse out. Maybe something like:<br /><br />'In accordance with the satellite scan, the leaders moved the piece on the map in front of them that indicated the position of the enemy and would be useless for the next 10 minutes.'<br /><br />(A FOUR-man and a FIVE-man team scattered to the left and right, while the remaining NINETEEN men began walking to the valley)<br /><br />By my count 5+4+19 is only 28. It said earlier that the platoon was 29 strong. Is the error in the original, maybe?<br /><br />(As the cylinder did not nullify noise as well as a sound erasing device, it was more accurately called AN inhibitory device, and it was attached to the muzzle.)<br /><br />Small typo.<br /><br />(A man(,) making a truly amusing expression in disbelief of what he saw(,) got shot in his now wide-opened eyes and died immediately.)<br /><br />Grammatical punctuation making it easier to read and not seem to run-on. You could also use em-dashes if you like.<br /><br />(The man’s neck was separated from the torso and the woman strongly grasped his hair and threw his NECK away.)<br /><br />Threw his NECK away? That sounds gruesome! Maybe in light of the next few lines, this should be head?<br /><br />(“Awesome! She actually managed to kill all eighteen of them by herself!”)<br /><br />Math again. 29 in the platoon, minus the 5 and 4 man teams guarding the flanks and annihilated by the '4' in PM4 (9), that should make 20, no?<br /><br />(The plan itself wasn’t bad. Because everyone came along knowing that, the fault is not your own.(2) )<br /><br />In regards to the accompanying note, maybe a more distinct way of indicating this formal-ish songeiko would be to use a line like: 'The fault lies not with you'.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4810277275784204050.post-858202898448529282016-09-14T17:04:41.494+01:002016-09-14T17:04:41.494+01:00<3333<3333Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4810277275784204050.post-32232765868473457402016-09-13T00:14:51.246+01:002016-09-13T00:14:51.246+01:00Hey Gsi! This is Thunder Luigi. I would still love...Hey Gsi! This is Thunder Luigi. I would still love to help out editing Rainbow Bridge. I did some stuff on part/chapter 3 but I heard that it's now at part 4. We can continue correspondence across e-mail (pianorifle21@aim.com) and if you want to take a look at what I did manage to edit.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com